Living the dream… you would think so, anyway. Spending the whole summer living and working in places such as Ibiza or Marbella is, let us face it, pretty much most people´s idea of paradise. Living the dream, as they so often say to me while I do my best to smile and look enthusiastic. Believe me, it is not entirely as much fun as people think.
Leave aside the stresses and strains of actually running a business such as mine. Generally speaking, running a successful escort agency is pretty straightforward, as long as you have done hundreds of hours of preparation and planning! As Count Alexander Suvorov said over 200 years ago, “Train hard, fight easy”. However, as in military situations, when the wheels come off they come off fast and things can go horribly wrong, terribly quickly. Ibiza escorts or, I guess, Marbella escorts are a resourceful and self reliant bunch. Right up to the point when they are not!
And yes, living and working on the White Island (if you have ever been here and seen all the brown soil and wondered what that is about, incidentally, the whole island used to basically be one giant salt mine…white island) or in Marbella and the Costa Del Sol is pretty damned good. Attractive people, good food (though hardly like London!) sun, sea, sex, music, fashion, great weather. All in all I have very little sympathy for me!
But, and unlike me this has a big but (!) there are downsides that you would not think about. In the UK if the temperature gets too high in the workplace, people start complaining very volubly. Contrary to popular opinion, by the way, there is no maximum though the TUC advise their members to start bitching severely at 30 degrees. Here in Ibiza the temperature only drops below that level for a couple of hours just before dawn. And in Marbella it will not drop below that level for four or five months at a time. Bliss, I hear you saying.
Yes and no. If I am in the air conditioned cool, or relaxing by the pool, swimming, strolling through Ibiza old town or generally relaxing, it is bloody wonderful. No doubt about it. And my tan is totally fabluous, darling!
But try working the way people do in the movies; laptop in a bar by the beach, being all creative and modern with the world going on around you as you do your thing in paradise. And yes, that is exactly what I am doing now, with a rather tall glass filled with ice cubes next to me. No umbrella drink, it is too early and this is a work day.
But what you do not see in the movies is the rest of story; perspiration trickling down into the small of your back, the laptop overheating as soon as you open the lid because no fan can keep up with this much heat, perspiration from the end of your nose as though you have done two cross-fit WODs back-to-back. And your brain effectively shutting down because all it wants to do is rest in the heat.
You will have gathered a few things from that little diatribe. The first is that I do not sweat. Horses sweat, gentlemen perspire and ladies glow. Well in this heat that is two thirds correct anyway. Secondly that I do cross fit. And thirdly that it is too freaking hot to work!
And this is when my hat goes off to the ladies I work with to some degree. The best escorts Ibiza has to offer, or indeed the highest class escorts Marbella can provide, have to be immune to the heat. They might be working in a freezing cold hotel room, or suffering sun and heat stroke on a boat deck, or just keeping their look and cool together while in a bar. But they have to look good, be cool and keep it together. No matter how warm the weather gets, they have to be hotter!