London Hotter Than Ibiza

So just because England had a few decent days weather the British newspapers were full of stories about how warm it is and comparing London to various “exotic” locations such as Barcelona, Rome and the Algarve, amongst others. Brits (I speak as one) really cant handle anything other than a vaguely damp time of things.

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You don’t see this in Green Park

But my favourite has to have been “London “hotter than Ibiza”” from the Guardian. Trust me, only in terms of the temperature darlings, only the temperature!

The spring weather may not be the best thing about Ibiza (though it is undoubtedly dramatic) but the sexy Ibiza escort girls are starting to arrive back for the season, so things are definitely hotting up in Ibiza. My Italian lovelies are scheduled to return in a few days and they will definitely drive the temperature up under a few collars!

Ally s Angels Escorts Ibiza looks set for the hottest and best year so far, with the vast majority of the girls that we represented last year returning to work with us again, which is extremely unusual in this business and says all sorts of good things about the team and the way they treated the girls with respects, courtesy, professionalism and a sense of humour last year.

So London and the rest of England has pretty much had its warm spell for the year, though I hope Wimbledon gets good weather as I may visit and nothing is better than paying the price of a house for a small bowl of strawberries and cream while dressed to the nines.

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OMG there’s a cloud!

But while Londoners look back with nostalgia and longing to their weekend of warmth, I am getting ready for both the hot weather and the hot babes and the (hopefully) red hot telephone from all the client calls and bookings!

Its amazing how much goes into getting ready for the season each year. I guess its not that different to the clubs, bars and hotels. The website needs a good dose of cleaning and redecorating; staff need recruiting and training; all the equipment needs checking, replacing or upgrading; and the suppliers have to be arranged and everything agreed. You really can not put a business such as this together on the fly. Well, you can, but that’s when things go wrong.

So all the hard work goes in now to make sure that we have the minimum stress and the maximum fun in the sun. London is hotter than Ibiza? Not if I have anything to do with it.

Love Hotels in China

The Guardian has just run an article about China’s new “Love Hotel” industry. Its interesting to see how fast and far the Chinese culture is changing. In 1989 just 15% of Chinese had engaged in sex before marriage, according to state media. Today more than 70% have. Good for them!

The journalist seems to have a couple of slightly strange perceptions though. Apparently the Japanese have more than 30,000 Love Hotels to “to escape the prying eyes of a deeply conservative society” Really? Hentai anyone? They just have really small (normally shared) apartments and tend to live at home until they get married.

I remember that one motel chain that was popular with London escorts in the 1980s used to have nightclubs in all their hotels and the slogan “eat, meet, sleep” on very large signs outside them. Not quite the same thing, but they did rent rooms by the afternoon, so then again maybe it was. I am sure that more mature London escorts will remember them well!

Ibiza escorts car sex

Of course, for girls who escort Ibiza clients pretty much every hotel is a love hotel. And I know the same is true for most women who escort Marbella visitors too! But even case-hardened Ibiza escorts are still amazed by what they see “civilians” getting up to in high-end hotels. You would think nothing would shock a professional Ibiza escort, but they are surprised most days by something that a “normal” person gets up to in the name of love or lust.

Obviously leisure and lifestyle locations such as Ibiza, Marbella and the like are very different to major cities such as London. And Western cultures are distinctly different from Asian. But at the end of the day, people are people and sex is sex. Both people and sex come in every imaginable flavour. And people need somewhere that they can have sex without frightening the horses (as we English say – look it up).

London escorts, Marbella escorts, Ibiza escorts. Young girls, mature women, romantic or lustful. At the end of the day we all have our needs. And whether we meet someone in a Chinese love hotel, or invite an Ibiza escort back to the Hard Rock Hotel, when you get right down to it, its pretty much the same.

Getting back to the Guardian article, I did enjoy the apparently sweet attitude of the owners of businesses that are basically used for people to have recreational sex.

tumblr_nqrwvcDpqp1r0gu56o1_540“Sun also shied away from the label “love hotel” despite having named her chain after 37°2 le Matin, a 1985 erotic movie by French director Jean-Jacques Beineix. “Our hotels should be called lovers’ hotels not love hotels,” she said, adding: “We do not offer any sex toys or these kind of things in the rooms.”

China’s nascent love hotel movement still raises eyebrows in some quarters.

Wang said elderly residents of a community next to a Lots of Love hotel in north-east Beijing had taken exception to a recent advertising campaign that featured the slogan: “Extreme passion, extreme romance!”

“They thought it would mislead their children,” Wang recalled. The slogan was changed.

Despite that setback Wang said the future was bright for China’s fledgling love hotel industry. He boasted that in Tianjin motels had caught on to such an extent that parents were now booking rooms for their children.

Each night queues form at the Lots of Love reception, where affection-starved guests can choose from one of 55 themed bedrooms – including Shakespeare’s Room 204 – on an iMac computer.

Before taking a lift upstairs, visitors peruse a cabinet filled with bottles of 399 yuan ($60) pink lambrusco and packets of instant noodles.

“We provide a romantic place for lovers,” said Wang.”

Awww…

Kisses

Ally x

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Two Hours In The Life

So what does a couple of hours in my life look like when I’m managing bookings at high season?

Okay, so it’s 3 AM and I’m sat on my bed with the air conditioning going full blast. My desk lamp is on the night table beside me. Also on the night table the pot of Earl Grey tea in a little china teapot with a cup. Under the bed is my small white dog. Sat beside me on the bed is my marmalade cat.

Much more practical than satin

Much more practical than satin

I am not dressed in silky satin lingerie. Instead I’m wearing my daisy duke shorts and a peasant top. My hair is scrunched up in an untidy ponytail and held firmly in place with a pen. My wedge heels are discarded at the foot of the bed. Not the image of a Madam you expected is it?

My night really started about nine in the evening when a gentleman who I’ve spoken with for almost a week came on and asked if we could provide this service in Cairo. As we haven’t booked a girl with him all week and have negotiated price constantly, I told him that as it happens I cannot provide a service in Cairo.

I do try to help out regular customers all around the world as I have contact with escort girls who travel independently and let me know where they are on their travels, other suppliers and other agencies. Frankly I can and am very happy to help out and put beautiful girls and nice gentleman together.

That gentleman was followed by one of my ladies wanting another lady to join her and her personal client (booked directly with her on a regular basis). That doesn’t happen very often but it’s always very flattering when one of your professional escorts trust you enough to ask you to provide another girl to join her in the service.

How I should probably dress to answer the phone in the early hours

How I should probably dress to answer the phone in the early hours

So in the last thirty minutes I arranged for Jessica to turn up. Jessica has long blonde hair, is cute end petite and will do very well besides Julia who is tall and dark. So that is how my evening started a few hours ago and now it’s 3:30 AM and I’m dealing with potential  clients of all nationalities.

I have a couple who only speak Spanish who would like a bisexual lady to join them. A gentleman who speaks Russian (I think) and his message on WhatsApp says that he is looking for a lady that wants to buy a second hand car! Oh the joys of translation software!  It’s all very well if one of the parties is at least using their first language, but when all parties concerned are using the second or third language to try and negotiate a deal you can imagine how complicated it can get.

I have arranged for a lovely gentleman from Denmark to meet a sweet Ibiza escort girl from Brazil and I’m now talking to a gentleman from Qatar and making arrangements for him and his friend from Saudi Arabia. And I am also back chatting to local Spanish gentlemen and a financial services recruitment consultant on holiday from the UK.

It at this point in the evening that I decided that maybe I be better employed in International relations than running an escort business in Ibiza. But maybe it’s all the same thing really. (Fill in your own gag here)

So why do escorts bring together people of all nations and backgrounds?

So why do escorts bring together people of all nations and backgrounds?

If only we all got on so well in other areas of our lives, life would be so much nicer I think.

It seems the gentleman from Qatar would like to see the Russian girl I sent details of and his friend from Saudi Arabia would like to see a hot Spanish chica. So like some large international game of chess, all the pieces are now in play. I do hope it doesn’t turn into a game of snakes and ladders.

Now it’s just after four and I have got another hour or so to take it easy before the early morning rush starts about 5 AM right through to 8 AM. It might just get really busy and that’s when this will turn into something much more like an adrenaline-fuelled version of the 3D chess from Star Trek.

You may of course think this sounds like a wild ride. But this is just another day in the office. I’ve got at least another 61 days just like this before the season ends. I hope they’re all as exciting and interesting as this international game this evening…

So that was a couple of hours in my life and probably not what you expected. I’m going to go and put the kettle on again now. Talk to you all soon.

Kisses

Ally x

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Help! I’ve Run Out of Girls!

It was 5:30 AM and I was stood at my kitchen counter having a glass of wine glass of wine while eating scrambled eggs. My mobile phones were ringing off the hook, I’d been awake for 20 hours and I was not sure whether I was eating breakfast or dinner, so what the hell; wine with eggs.

It is the end of Ramadan, which is also the start of the big work season here in Ibiza. You would think this would be fantastic news; bookings all over the place.

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I really hope this is the right room

However it was 5:30 AM and I had run out of escort girls. I had no escorts in Ibiza to send out on any calls. All of them were working either for me or somebody else, or alternatively they are too tired to get out of bed. Dirty lazy bones!

This business is like that. Feast or famine. Either you have too many beautiful girls or not enough. Today there were too many clients and not enough girls. So I had run out of Ibiza escorts but the calls kept coming and coming. (pun intended!)

I really really hate to have to say no to clients at any time; today or any time of the year. So I did my very best to change bookings around and make sure the right girl got the right guy and attempted to fulfil as many calls as possible.

But it is very frustrating having worked hard all year to generate the enquiries to then end not be able to fulfil them. I’m sure you can understand.

Of course having this number of calls is good news, Running out of girls means I had a lot of girls working. Which means that when I went to bed in the morning at 10 AM I was tired but happy as everybody had a good working day, morning, night, whatever you want to call it and we could all rest knowing that we can do it all again tomorrow.

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This would be a great idea!

I have to say that it can be a very adrenaline fuelled business during the summer. When you get a booking, getting the right girl to the guy in the amount of time specified and making sure everybody is happy and safe is challenging. It probably takes only a maximum of an hour “flash to bang” (pun again intended!) but it’s very intense at the beginning of the call organising the lady to turn up.

Sometimes I need to get girls in Ibiza to gentlemen within 15 or 30 minutes maximum, no matter where the gentleman is. The girls need to arrive on time and ready to go so I probably have 10 to 15 minutes to sort out the right lady, get her dressed in the right way, negotiate the price on both sides, make sure there is safe transport and check on arrival.

It can be demanding and exhausting but it can also be a lot of fun because it’s nice to make everybody happy. Especially when you make a little bit of money along the way.

Kisses

Ally

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Sex Appeal & Beauty

What is it that makes a woman sexy? Artists, writers and poets through the years have spent their lives trying to encapsulate the mystery of feminine allure. Scientists have entered the fray too, measuring, counting and assessing. But the secret of allure is still “unbottled”.

Audrey Hepburn - beautiful. Not sexy

Audrey Hepburn – beautiful. Not sexy

True, there are a lot of insights into beauty. Artists capture it and scientists can measure and predict it. Much of what they are now codifying was actually extremely well known to the ancient Greek writers in particular. Proportion, symmetry and social conditioning are all critically important to the perception of beauty. Some of them are timeless and some reflect social trends.

Take body fat or curviness. Peter Paul Rubens curvaceous ladies could not be more different in terms of muscle tone and sheer ampleness from the Venus in her clam shell of Sandro Botticelli, or the dancers of Henri Toulouse-Lautrec´s ballet dancers, or Titian´s Leda, or today’s Victoria’s Secret models. But the proportions of their limbs and bodies are the same, and they exhibit the same symmetrical faces.

Kelly Brook. Sexy.

Kelly Brook. Sexy.

So beauty can be articulated, measured, quantified and predicted. The best plastic surgeons in the world can, within limits, produce it. For both men and women, incidentally.

But sex appeal? That is something different. It too is largely timeless, but the mix that makes a woman (or man) irresistibly sexy doesn’t seem to lend itself to the same kind of formulas and rules that beauty does. There is no golden mean that tells us why or how, or predicts who.

As I have previously explained, I spend my entire time surrounded by beautiful and sexy women. (It’s a hard life…) And believe me, not all of them are both sexy and beautiful. Many are both, but not all.

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Hepburn. Beautiful. Emilia Clarke. Beautiful and sexy.

Beauty can exist without sex appeal. Look at the Greek statues of athletes. Gorgeous, beautiful, inspiring. But not sexy compared to the old and has never-been-in-shape Jack Nicholson.

Take two great British actresses from the 1960s. Julie Andrews and Jaqueline Bisset. Ms Andrews was slim, beautiful, polished and had curves in all the right places. Not sexy. Ms Bisset had many of the same attributes but with a charmingly damaged smile. And was sex on legs. Still is, in fact! She is the star of many a MILF fantasy even now.

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The sexiest woman in history?

Or modern actresses show this equally well. Jennifer Lawrence and Kristen Stewart. One is sexy and sensual. The other is pretty and has a good body but doesn’t have the secret sauce. There is some subtle difference between beauty and sex appeal.

Sex appeal sometimes doesn’t even require beauty.  If you take a look at a photo of Mata Hari she was far from being a great classical beauty. But her sex appeal is famous to this day. Marilyn Monroe would be considered overweight by today´s standards of beauty (how sad is that?!) but her sex appeal and sensuality still make the edges of the paper curl on her photos.

So I am going to spend a few posts doing my best to pin down what it is that makes sexy. I will obviously mainly focus on sexy women.  But I will also spend a little time on the sexy men too! It seems rude not to.

Kisses

Ally x

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Living My Childhood Fantasy

I am reliving my childhood.

I´ve spent the last couple of days re-reading a couple of the Modesty Blaise books written by Peter O’Donnell. Oh. My. God! The nostalgia! Actually, they hold up surprisingly well. A few technology issues (short wave radio anyone?) and I wish there wasn’t the silly stuff with characters with ESP, but that´s like wishing that the villain in a James Bond movie would just shoot Bond in the head…

For those that don´t know, Modesty Blaise started out as a cartoon strip in The Standard in 1964. It then became a series of 13 books that I devoured rapidly and repeatedly as a child. I didn’t care that it was nonsense or pulp fiction. I just loved them!

Modesty Blaise is a heroine with no super-powers other than her intelligence and an extremely well-trained body. Her side-kick and assistant is Willie Garvin (who is saved by her more than he does the saving). It is an incredibly feminist set of stories even characters even now. In the 1960s it must have been revolutionary.

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Modesty Blaise and Willie Garvin (though Willie can’t handle a handgun!)

There was an appalling film made in the 1960s that I try not to think about, mainly because Modesty was just a helpless little sex-bomb saved all the time by Terence Stamp. The last part of that premise is OK, but the first is too insulting. Tarantino scripted an amazingly low-budget film for Harvey Weinstein´s company about a decade ago so that Weinstein could retain the movie rights (there was a use it or lose it clause in the contract) that was better, but there´s a limit to what you can do with five actors, two weeks and about 20 grand. Tarantino keeps saying he plans to make a Modesty Blaise film. That could be interesting…

Modesty is described as tall and brunette, slim but with curves. Willie Garvin is just over 6 foot, blonde and very well built. Basically Brad and Angelina. Annoyingly, now that I am re-reading the books that is what they look like in my head.

They set up and ran a criminal organisation based in the Mediterranean called The Network. Once she had made enough money they both retired and passed the franchises on to her management. And that´s where the books begin as she is recruited to do a job for the bowler hatted head of British Intelligence. So 1960s! So perfect!

When I was growing up I so wanted to be Modesty that it was almost painful. Or failing that, Willie Garvin with his twin throwing knives, cool attitude and loyalty.

Modesty always had the most interesting lovers and Willie had an amazing array of gorgeous women.

They get themselves into exciting capers and laugh their way through them, no matter what the dangers or the odds. Modesty and Willie are always prepared, always one step ahead because of their brains and planning. It doesn’t matter what gets thrown at them, they know they will get through it as long as they stick together and use their skills.

brad pitt and angelina jolie dance tango in mr and mrs smith

Modesty & Willie would only do this as a smokescreen

Karate, knife-throwing, scuba diving, kayaking, fencing, shooting with pistols and handguns (she with the former he with the latter) it was so exciting and unknown for a girl growing up in the North of England. And the locations! They didn’t just do the obvious James Bond ones. They might be diving for pearls in Panama or digging up semi-precious stones in Bolivia!

It wasn’t Bruce Lee that got me interested in martial arts, it was Modesty Blaise. And what made me want to excel at school wasn’t going to university; it was being able to know the things she did and to be able to talk like her. I had forgotten all this until I started re-reading the trashy little books that have now been re-published (but not for Kindle, sadly!)

Modesty Blaise was my inspiration as a kid. Her intelligence, independence, skills and lifestyle were everything I ever wanted but could see no way to ever achieve. I wanted to be her, to do those things, have those friends and go to those places.

But things move on and life gets in the way. I hadn’t even thought about the books for years until I happened across them in a second hand bookshop near my place in the hills. I grew up and forgot about what a once wanted to be and do.

And so here I am, a slim brunette with curves running what people regard as a criminal organisation based in the Mediterranean with my loyal and highly capable male sidekick permanently by my side.

Funny old world.

Kisses

Ally x

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I Just Met Tony Stark

I have just met Tony Stark!

It all started when Tel said “I need to sell some shit” “Ok” I replied “I think I might be able to help.”

So early (for Ibiza – it was 10;30am) one Friday morning Alex our web guy and I went to visit Tel.

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Not Tel. Nor a client of mine. Dammit.

Alex is pretty handy with a camera as he takes most of the photos of our lovely ladies here in Ibiza and he knows his way around technology, the internet etc etc etc.  So he seemed like the right chap to take along to meet Tel who “wanted to sell some shit.” The basic plan being to dig around in Tel’s basement and storage unit come up with some random stuff to sell and put it on eBay and see what happened.

So at 10:30 on the dot Tel pulls up outside the apartment here and Alex and I hop into his car.  Now, I should have had some inkling that this might become something less than ordinary as Tel pulls on to the carretera at break-neck speed my tummy flipped and we raced “warp speed” really quite quickly.  As Alex and I hang onto the seats fearing for our lives, Tel chats away without a care in the world about his past as cars, buses, lorries fall behind us and become nothing more than a blur in the rear view mirror.

After what feels like a few seconds and hundreds of kilometres we arrive at Tel’s pad in the hills. “I built this myself” he says as he jumps from the car to unlock the gate. Alex and I stagger legs shaking to the front door grasping at any means of support possible.

It’s a tidy little house looking out over the Med with 5 bedrooms, 5 bathrooms and lots of mysterious other little rooms … we are about to find out why.  “I once built one with 18 bedrooms and 18 bathrooms” he says.

“Why so few?” I ask sarcastically as we step into the cool interior of the house.  A warm smell of wood smoke greets us from the hearth that has recently been cleared from last night’s fire. He takes my question seriously.

“Oh, I wasn’t doing too many projects at the time and just couldn’t put the time into it.” OK …

“So,” Tel says, “I will show you round. But how about we go down into the basement first and Alex can start to take some pictures of the stuff I have to sell” he says.

He opens what I have to say looked like a nondescript door under the stairs…and we step down a very wide spiral staircase into the basement.  “I have another basement under this one but you won’t want to look in there yet.” he quips. 

The first thing we notice as we get to the bottom of the stairs is a store room just full of interesting old bits of technology. TVs, headphones, remote controls cables.  It’s a little eerie as it’s like each of these items has been picked clean by some large predator that has taken the good bits and left the useless carcass behind. “Through here” says Tel. Why does he have this strangely jovial voice suddenly?

Before I go any further let me describe Tel.

He is a gentleman in his middle years, fit healthy very well presented at all times. He is interested and interesting and if I had to liken him to a cartoon character I would have to say it would be Tigger from Winnie the Poo.  He is very enthusiastic about everything and does not seem to have an “off button.” But not that different from lots of other people. He’s been a regular visitor with my girls for a couple of years and is always lovely.

We step through an adjoining door and holy shit!

That’s it. We are in Tony Stark’s workshop. OMG. I swear I heard a clicking noise as Alex’s jaw dropped.

“Yep. I built this stuff” he says.

iron_man_workshop

Like this. But cooler.

He has a bench of stuff in development, but as you enter the room you see a three screen holy-shit racing simulator.  Full racing seat, steering wheel, computer module and hydraulics. This isn’t a seat attached to a PlayStation. This is the real deal.

Showing my age, I think that ORAC will communicate with me any time now.

“My friend and I built this. It connects to any real car or racing track in the world by telemetry so you can actually race on the same virtual course as your favourite formula 1 driver at the same time in the same spec of car. Or different ones if you like. So if you had the telemetry connection to Lewis Hamilton you could race him in real time. Or a bunch of you from different parts of the world can just have a track day without flying.

Holy shit.

“Oh I have another better one that I might finish soon” he says.

Alex can’t wait to try it out so after a few minutes and a through briefing from Tel, Alex gets into the hot seat and straps himself in (yes you need the straps!) Obviously like everything it’s harder than it looks but he soon gets the hang of it and another racing addict is born.  He and Tel chat away about the technology involved whilst I just marvel at the virtual racing world.

Like this. But with techy stuff.

The whole basement is a feast of technology and mechanical projects some finished and some never to be finished. A boy toy Aladdin’s cave!

“Ah hum“ I clear my throat.  “Chaps, I hate to be a party pooper but we have some shit to sell I believe?”

“OK” says Tel “But first let me show you…”

And off we go again through the myriad of basement rooms to an external drive-way and like a magician Tel throws back a tarpaulin to reveal a vintage Alfa Romeo car. “I rebuilt it myself” he says…

I manage to get them to focus and Tel digs into this magnificent man cave and produces all sorts of bit of techno stuff he would like to sell. Some of it still new and in its original packaging, some of it ready to be stripped down for components. Alex set up the camera and starts to take some pictures.

“I like cool stuff but I’m not good at clearing out or selling stuff“ Tel says. “So if you can help, that would be great.”

While Alex takes a few snaps, Tel shows me the rest of the house. He has separate studies for different projects. So building project study, technology projects study, car projects study. The garage is fully of bikes (motor and pedal) and so it goes on…

“Tigger” and I have coffee while Alex continues to take pictures and we chat through some of his latest projects. His racing plans in the real world and how to change the world… just like Tony Stark.

Tel’s an interesting chap with big idea and big plans, some of which work well and some of which work less well but the world needs entrepreneurs like Tel to make things happen and keep thing interesting.

Welcome to Ibiza. You never know who you’ll meet or what their story is.

As for selling the shit, Alex started out to sell a scooter, a high-end projector and video camera and other assorted top end but out of date technology. The he had another look at some of the photos and spotted the hardware stuffed in the corner. It’s only a few hundred old PCs waiting to be stripped down. The glee on a young techy’s face is a joy to behold.

I will let you know how we get on.

Oh and by the way, as Alex and I left, Tel mentioned that he had a storage unit full of stuff in development as well. And next time he’ll show us the really interesting stuff in the sub-basement. (I’m hoping it’s not sex slaves or anything! LOL)

When does he get the time?

Kisses

Ally X

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I love a professional

“Hi can I help?”

It was mid afternoon on Thursday. I was alone in the office as Alex had decided to go shopping for beauty creams and presents. I was hoping to have a lovely peaceful coffee and catch up on some paperwork. So I have to admit I chased her out of the door with a sunny wave saying “don’t rush back, see you soon”. Mistake. Big mistake!

So “Hi can I help” I said. The contact is Claudio who I have heard is a lovely Italian gentleman.

The best way to use a computer I think

The best way to use a computer I think

“Vorrei prenotare una ragazza per me e mia moglie oggi alle 18:00.” Ah.

“I’m sorry, I don’t speak Italian. Do you speak any English?” I asked. I know it’s rude and we are all European now but I am a product of 1960s comprehensive education.  So languages are not my big thing, though I can get by in Spanish.

“A leeteel” he said.

“ Fantastic how can I help?”

“Weeelll “ he said “eermm  vorrei prenotare una ragazza per me e mia moglie oggi alle 18:00”

OK not so good. I mean it doesn’t take a genius to work out that he wants to see a girl at 18:00 but where and for how long?  Let’s do the easy bit.

“Who would you like to see I ask?” We have lots of gorgeous ladies so it saves time to start by asking.

He replies almost instantly with “Angela”.  Now this would be cool but she hasn’t checked in with her availability today so I am not sure if she is working. Damn. “I need to find out and then I can confirm all of the details” I say, “That make sense?” I add.

A very empathic and enthusiastic “Si!” is his reply.

“OK. I will call you back.

“Quando?” he asks

Erm, a little help?

Erm, a little help?

“5 mins” I say.

“ Noooo” he says “18:00”

Not good.  “Ustedes hablan español?”

“Yes a little” he replies. Thank heavens! At least this I should be able to work out.

“Necesito confirmar con ella” (I need to check with her)

“Voy a verla a las 18:00 ( I will see her at 18:00)” he says.

Fuck Fuck Fuck this is not going to plan….

“OK I will text you” I say in my best garbled Spanish.

“Si Si” he says.

For the next few minutes Google translate becomes my new best friend as I try to communicate the details of the booking with him via text. Come back Alex! Alex speaks Italian and has dealt with him before.

I call her with a cry for help “ Please come back now and talk to Claudio!” I cry “I think he thinks Angela is turning up at 18:00 and she is not available and I don’t know how long for or where or what or anything!”

At least I thinks that’s what I said as it was all a little excited. For some reason I hate letting polite and nice clients down in any way. Arseholes give me no stress at all. But if someone is being sweet then my customer service gene kicks into overdrive.

sexy_stockings_on_vespa

The Italians do sexy very well.

She says she can be back in 15 mins.  Thank heavens. I tell Claudio that she will be back to talk to him soon.

Now I have to track down Angela. After a few calls and texts in turns out that she is in hospital with food poisoning.  Damn! Even I can’t bring myself to give her a hard time for not telling me. Though secretly I am a little miffed that I’m not the person she calls straight after her emergency contact.

The question then becomes who shall I recommend? Thank God Alex will be back to explain to him that Angela wont be able to make it.

When Alex is back she soothes the international relations and get the all of the details of the booking. I start to make the arrangements.

One of the nice things about running the best escort agency in Ibiza is that we have our choice of great escorts who fit just about every requirement.

Helena she is working today and is very good with languages, though unfortunately not Italian.  I call her to check availability and the details.  The conversation goes something like this:

“It’s a couple” I say. “OK” she says.

“They want total GFE for both of them” I say. “OK” she says.

” Its two hours” I say. “OK” she says.

“You have to arrive at 6pm” I say. “OK” she says.

”They only speak Italian” I say “OK” she says.

“Oh and they are both in their 70’s” I say. “OK. Any special requirements?” she says

“No” I say. “OK” she says.

I just love working with professionals! They make life so much easier.

Kisses

Ally x

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Not a lot of people know that …

The sex industry is right at the cutting edge of everything tech.

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Cameron Diaz. Hot but no geek.

When the Director and writers of the Cameron Diaz movie Sex Tape (which was awful) visited the offices of a few of the big porn sites they were astonished. They didn’t find sleezy pervs hanging round an old laptop as they seemed to expect. What they found were large modern businesses operating some of the largest servers outside Amazon and Google and run by some of the smartest technology experts to be found anywhere.

Which makes sense if you think about it.

The sex industry is huge. With escort agencies, phone lines, cam work and porn (with or without dating agencies thrown into the mix!) the industry in all it’s forms is both very large and extremely competitive.

Any cam or porn service that doesn’t have stable and quick servers will soon be out of business. No-one is willing to put up with delays or interrupted service anymore.

Any great escort agency, especially in big cities such as London or tourist centres like Ibiza, could not be in business without a great website. And that great website or service is useless unless your search engine optimisation (SEO) means that you rank high enough on Google, Bing and Yahoo for people to find you in the first place!

The days of putting cards into telephone boxes are long past. Even here in Spain where advertising as an escort is legal (a friend of ours in Marbella has actually rented a large electronic billboard!) the vast majority of business is generated by prospective clients finding the website.

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Not how our SEO team look

These days you can have the greatest talent in the world but if you can’t work out how Google ranks pages, then you’re screwed. And not in the good way!

All of which means that the single most valuable person in our team is not a 25 year old Playboy model, or a Miss World contestant with a PhD, or even a famous pornstar. It’s the 19 year old guy with a ponytail who plays games on one screen while running our websites on the other two. I know that sounds like a cliche, but I’m watching him do it right now.

And our greatest set of expenses is not lingerie, shoes, travel or even security. It’s geeks and their kit. Which is fine by me, because above the Louboutins and underneath the La Perla sits a woman who’s nerdy about being a geek.

Because they may be in charge of your sex life

Because they may be in charge of your sex life

Every escort agency wants to be on the first page of Google for the relevant searches. But we rather take it for granted now that if we launch a website it will be page one within 90 days. Yes, the team really is that good! Our latest Ibiza escort agency just hit 4th on Google in 73 days from launch.

But the difference in enquiries (and therefore business) between being in the bottom three on page one and being in the top three is nearly 500%. So if you want to be really successful in the sex business, you need to devote time, focus and a lot of intellectual firepower. It isn’t something you can just throw money at, as most of the businesses who claim to offer web design and SEO services are worse than useless.

If you pick the wrong firm you can find yourself with a useless website that is optimised for completely the wrong search terms, or none at all. A friend of ours in London is very proud that she has the top ranked site for her supposed niche. Unfortunately her niche is only searched for less than 200 times a month. And most of those searches come from the Far East, and it yields her no business at all. Lovely looking site though.

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It’s terrible when the phone doesn’t ring

There are lots of tools that allow you to check on the popularity of search terms, but before you do that you have to put yourself in the mind of your clients. What are they really looking for and how will they phrase it in a search? Get it right and you can open the keys to the promised land. get it wrong and you don’t have a business.

If you choose an SEO company unwisely it can do permanent damage to your business. Beware if you try to use money to game the system and have someone buy backlinks to drive your Google ranking. You are likely to come a terrible cropper. You can even find your site “sandboxed” by Google and excluded from search rankings completely.

And I haven’t even begun discussing social media, which can be used as anything from a simple advertising medium for the website to a terrific way of engaging with clients. And with the right techniques (which I’m not going into here!) it can also be a significant revenue earner in its own right.

When you want to get really lost in the maze of possibility, cloud computing and smart phones can allow you to share photos, take and place bookings, run diaries and basically operate an entire business from a small handbag. Which suits me fine.

So the next time you hear anyone talking about how geeks and nerds rule the world, remember that they also run the sex industry as well. Which means that not only do they know stuff that you don’t, they probably make more money and get more honey too!

Kisses

Ally x

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